The Consequences of Being Naughty
by predatorynature
Summary: [One of the things she had realized during her week of continuous puking was keeled over the toilet waiting for the world to stop spinning was actually a pretty good time to reflect on your life] Buffycentric, pairing to come
1. Chapter 1

The Consequences of Being Naughty

By Asha

I don't own anything

Chapter 1

This was NOT her day, Buffy thought as she puked for what seemed like the 10th time that day. Her toothbrush already looked noticeable worn. Slayers weren't supposed to get sick, but noooo, I'm not a real Slayer anyways. I don't even have the fucking handbook, so why would I get to enjoy one of the few perks of the job?

Geez, it's hard enough kicking ass in a skirt and heels. Now I have to do it with a fucking cold too? So not fair, and don't even think that I'm giving up my stilettos. After a while, hearing that you're too tiny to be the Slayer and getting laughed at by fledges gets a little annoying.

"Buffffyy", her little sister whined. "How long are you gonna be? You've been in there for like hours"

Okay, Buffy, relax. Don't yell, and don't give Dawnie a personal demonstration of what Slayer strength is really like. After all, the little brat didn't mean to get you sick, Buffy chanted in her mind to will away the aggression she was suddenly feeling.

"I'll be out in a second, Dawnie", Buffy replied in a sickly sweet voice. Her sister didn't seem to notice, and just voiced her agreement in a peppy little voice that Buffy found more annoying than ever. God it should be illegal to be that cheerful in the morning, especially without coffee. Now that was just unnatural.

Finally feeling the knots in her stomach subside; she brushed her teeth, again, and left the bathroom. One of the things she had realized during her week of continuous puking was keeled over the toilet waiting for the world to stop spinning was actually a pretty good time to reflect on your life. Kinda like your own personal confessional, but instead of a holier-than-thou priest, you had a non judgmental porcelain basin.

She walked back into her room, and a picture on her dresser caught her eye. It was of her and Riley doing his idea of a good time…no, I know what you're thinking, but farm boy's too much of a prude to ever let her photograph him, so get that idea out of your mind. No, it was of them having a perfect little picnic, looking every bit like the perfect American couple.

Ugh, and just when I thought I had the taste of puke out of my mouth…

After last month's incident with a certain ho of a sister slayer and some body swappage, she had had more of enough of Riley. Yeah, she had decided to forgive him, but only cuz she actually believed that he didn't know it wasn't her.

I mean, come on, Riley doesn't have the balls to cheat on me. If he did, he'd probably confess to me and beg for my forgiveness like the whipped little puppy he is.

But after some quality time with the ceramic god she had dubbed Mr. Imtoogoodforlysol, inspired by the fact that no one had bothered to clean it since… lets not go there.

Anyways, I decided what's the point of having a boyfriend if you have to rely on the pulsating showerhead to get you off after he leaves? God, I should really invest in a dildo, then I wouldn't have to waste all that time pretending I'm actually interested in what Riley has to say. I mean, how many conversations can you really have about cars? Guys, don't answer that.

Walking down the steps and feeling surprisingly light hearted after deciding to dump Captain Cardboard, she greeted her little sister with a genuine smile, and made her way to the coffee pot.

Fuck, just when I thought I reached my daily quota for upchucking, she thought as the smell of strong coffee had a negative effect on her for the first time ever. She ran back up the stairs, and made another sacrifice to the Porcelain God.

When she finally lifted her head, she saw Dawn standing beside her, smirking, and dangling a brown bag in her hand.

"Here you go Buff, have fun!" she said as she threw the bag in her general direction.

She opened it up, and swore in a way that would have made Angelus blush, and stared at the contents.

As she took the object out, it suddenly clicked.

"Fuck! The little skank forgot to use protection!"

Please review! It makes my day. ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Buffy carefully lifted the object out of the bag, holding it by her fingertips, away from her face, looking at it like it was the most disgusting thing in the world. And really, to a young college girl, especially the Slayer, it kinda was.

Oh shit, oh shit. Wait, where the hell did Dawnie get this? She better not be…no she wouldn't. Way too much of a goodie goodie for that.

She reluctantly discarded its box, and just looked at it.

Hmmm, I wonder if it would just blow up if I stared at it long enough. Now that would be some kick ass superpowers. Stupid Watchers Council, not giving me a power that's actually cool. I mean who would actually choose to be able to sense vampires in the vicinity when they could blow up little pieces of Snyder's pants and be able to prove that he really does have a stick up his ass? Ooh, bad mental image, Buffy, don't go there. Never imagine the little troll unclothed. Ugh, shudders

Damnit, usually my rambling helps distract me from real life a little more than this. Hmmm, out of sight, out of mind maybe? Yeah, that'll work.

Buffy threw the box in the garbage and skipped down the stairs...

Uh oh, maybe not a good idea with all the bouncing, anyways, and she retreated back to her own country of Buffonia- denial is our motto, Buffy's lead you must follow.

She chuckled out loud at her joke and noticed Dawn looking at her like should be locked in the loony bin.

I think I'm allowed to be a little weird…I mean, Slayer here, saves the world as often as Cordy gets plastic surgery. Oh yeah, I have just a tad bit of resentment for the slu- I mean seer.

"So how did you like my little gift?" her little sister asked, displaying a smirk she must have ripped off Spike.

"I think you gave it to the wrong person, Dawnie. Oh by the way little sister, where the hell did you get that?" her anger rising when she realized she had been rudely pulled out of the land of denial once again.

"It's not a big deal Buffy, I mean anyone can get them these days. Though there were so many different kinds it was really hard to choose…and the cashier did kinda look at me like he thought I was a freak"

"Hah, hate to break it to you sweetie, but that probably had nothing to do with what you were buying", Buffy snarked.

Hey, don't look at me like that. It's allowed, I mean it's an unwritten rule that sisters aren't supposed to get along. And hey, it's a cruel world out there; I'm just being a good sister and preparing her! Yeah that's right, she convinced herself, while chuckling, making sure to do it inwardly this time.

Buffy snorted by accident, and looked around to make sure Dawn hadn't noticed. No need to give the brat more blackmail material…

"You might want to reconsider how nice you are to me Buffy, I mean can you imagine what would happen if someone were to find that certain object you got this morning in your possession?" Dawn taunted, with an evil little grin on her face thinking she finally had her big sis right where she wanted her.

Fuck, too late. No way, I am so not giving in. Oh god, this is soo not of the good.

"Fine, what do you want, brat?" Buffy said in a voice that was half defeated, and half annoyed.

Damn, there's that evil grin again. I'm so gonna kill Spike for rubbing off on her. Oooh, good reason to kill Spike, file for later. Giles totally couldn't get mad if Spike was a bad influence on Dawnie…

"Wait here, and let me get my list", and with that she bounded up the stairs even perkier than she was earlier that morning. God, she's going to end up being a cheerleader, I just know it, Buffy thought, conveniently forgetting she used to be a cheerleader too.

"Buffy? Dawn? You girls awake? I brought food!" Joyce yelled as she attempted to close the door with her foot while balancing the numerous grocery bags in her hands.

"We're in here mom", Buffy yelled back. She saw Dawn coming back down the stairs with her trusty paper in hand, and made the universal signal of cutting her throat if she said anything.

"You won't believe what happened to me at the grocery store! Some idiotic stock boy ran into me with rotten fruit he was throwing out and got fruit guts all over me!" Joyce exclaimed in a highly irritated voice.

"I'm just going to go and take a quick shower, and then I'll make you breakfast, okay girls?" Without waiting for an answer she carefully made her way up the stairs, trying not to spill fruit juice all over the carpet.

Meanwhile, Buffy sat at the counter glaring at her devious little sister, barely restraining herself from making a snarky comment.

"Dawn?" her mother called from upstairs. "Why is my bathroom floor drenched in water?" she asked in a deceptively calm voice.

"Buffy was hogging the bathroom, again, so I had to use yours", Dawn answered using her most innocent voice, trying to shift the blame to her older sister.

"Fine, just make sure you clean it up. And Buffy? I thought you were more responsible than this. You know that you and Dawn have to share a bathroom, you could at least be a little more considerate. I guess I'll just have to use your bathroom"

Score! Dawn thought to herself. Sometimes it really did pay to be the baby in the family.

Suddenly, their mother appeared at the top of the stairs in her bathrobe.

"Buffy Anne Summers, this better not be what I think it is…" she said.

Dangling from her fingertips was the dreaded pregnancy test.

Please Review! Good for my self confidence when it comes to writing.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Buffy blanched for a second, her mind racing for an excuse. A good one. Her mom may be blonde, but she's not stupid.

"Well mom, it looks like a pregnancy test." I could practically see the smoke rising out of her ears, and the look on her face was almost worth the lifelong grounding that was coming my way. Almost.

"I know that Buffy, but what I would like to know, young lady, is why it was in your bathroom".

Ooh, look, the hands were starting to clench. Now mom doesn't get angry that often, but when she does, she gets angry. First her voice raises, then comes the hand clenching, and then, well that's yet to come.

It's usually pretty damn funny to watch, well except when it's directed at me…which is…well pretty much all the time.

Time to play one of my favourite games! Let's see what lovely shade of red I can get mom's face to turn today.

"Well Dawnie bought it, for you actually. She said you looked a bit heavier, and with all the mood swings, she thought you might be pregnant", I said while shooting dear sis a little smirk

Score! Come up with a good excuse? Check. Shift the blame to bratty little sister? Check. Ooh, and look, a lovely hue of purple is our winner!

Well that's new.

Now I know comments like that don't help, but I really can't help myself sometimes.

"Wha'…why you little'...that's…ugh". Oh, I think I broke mom. Extra points if you can get her to become unintelligible.

Lookie, big word for Buffy. Remind me to thank Willow for that word calendar she bought me for Christmas.

Sometime during my inner rambling, mom seemed to have recovered.

"Buffy, I don't know why you have this, but since you bought it, you obviously think you might be pregnant"

I opened my mouth to argue, and she cut me off.

"No, Buffy, I don't want to hear it. Now march yourself upstairs and take the test".

I stomped upstairs with as much dignity as I could muster while acting like a 2 year old child. As I reached the top of the stairs, my mom's voice reached my ears.

"And you better not think of pouring water on it either. I will check" she threatens.

One word comes to mind: Ewww

* * *

Short, but i'll have the next chapter up within a few days, hopefully. Please Review!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Sorry it's been awhile, I've been caught up with school…dealing with the fact that my faculty is made up of incompetent and inconsiderate assholes…yeah I'm bitter lol

A/N 2: I have one more chapter after this written, but I'm not satisfied with it yet. Review this one please!

Chapter 4

I came down the stairs with my head hanging down and a pout on my lips. Yeah I knew it wasn't going to help me any, but it was worth a try.

I silently offered the test to my mom, wrapped in tissues of course, cuz, well that's just gross.

She stood there with her brows furrowed, staring at the white stick for a good 5 minutes. Okay, I take what I said back about her not being stupid. How long does it take to understand that this (+) means positive?

Buffy conveniently forgot that she checked the instructions a good three times, to make sure the sign meant what she thought it meant.

Mom seemed to come out of her daze, and looked at me with a solemn look on her face.

"I take it Riley's the father?" she asked sympathetically, and I swear I could see a little disgust showing on her face when she said his name.

At least two out of the three Summers' women have good taste, Buffy thought when Dawn's sick little crush on Spike randomly came to mind.

"No mom, he's not" I said in a confident voice.

"Listen Sweetie, I don't know what they teach you in health class these days, but condoms do break. I mean, look what happened to me and your father".

She suddenly got a deer in the headlights look, and frantically looked around.

What mom? Didn't mean to reveal that little Dawnie was a mistake? I thought with an evil grin on my face.

"Look mom, I know Riley's not the father". The reason for my confidence caused a bubble of laughter to escape my throat.

Pretty soon, I was keeled over (yes, again, but this time not over a toilet), my face turning red from laughter.

"Riley (gasp) told me (chuckle) that he…he…he…was sterile!" I finally managed to spit out.

"Honey" Joyce said in a patronizing voice. "Sometimes boys say that to girls so they don't have to use condoms during…intercourse".

God, am I actually having a conversation about my sex life with someone who says intercourse? Come on mom, live in the 21st century. Would it kill you to say fuck your brains out? Screw? Pound me into the mattress?

I start to think of the last time I used some of those phrases. It was with Riley. Don't worry, it's not what you think. Apparently, the boy doesn't like dirty talk. Yeah, I know. Who doesn't appreciate a good verbal fucking? Anyways, once I discovered it, I started talking dirty every time we 'made love', in the hopes it would discourage him from coming back for more.

Ugh, you know the phrase used when a guy is extremely turned off by something, he says his balls have retreated back into his body? Well I swear my clit goes into hiding under its little hood every time I think about Riley…and that's why we're switching back to mom's inability to use dirty words.

I'm starting to imagine mom getting ready to have sex and begging for it. "Please (insert name here)" she gasps out. "Please have intercourse with me!"

I start to crack up at the image. Uh oh, mom does not look happy.

"I don't see why that's so amusing young lady. This is serious" she scolds.

"I know it is. And do you think I would actually believe him? I had Willow hack into the Initiative's medical files to make sure".

Professor Walsh probably has a higher sperm count than Riley, Buffy joked to herself.

"Oh Thank God", she says as she releases a relieved sigh, much to my amusement.

"Wait, if he's not the father, who is?"

I shamefully hang my head, thinking about the number of people Faith must have screwed in my body, while looking at the white coloured stain on the floor. Hmmm, wonder what that could be.

"I don't know!" I cried out in a pitiful voice.

"Buffy Anne Summers" she starts. Uh oh, I know she's pissed when she uses my full name. "Just how…promiscuous…have you been?"

"I haven't been! I swear! It was Faith! She obviously screwed around in my body", I quickly defended myself while looking appropriately offended.

"Now, sweetheart, I know Faith did a lot of bad things, but no need to blame her for your mistakes", she chastised.

"Guess you take after your dad's side of the family after all", she mumbled under her breath, or at least what was supposed to be under her breath.

"Moooomm" I whined. My mind struggled to think of a way to prove it to her.

"She hit on Spike for Christ sake! If she would stoop that low, what makes you think she wouldn't sleep with someone?"

"She hit on Spike? Vampire Spike?" she questioned, bewildered.

"No, cuz we know so many other guys who's parents' life goal is to damn their child to be some kind of psychopath by naming him Spike". Yeah I know, it's rude. But this conversation is really getting on my nerves.

The whole Angel incident has got mom thinking I'm a ho for the rest of my life.

"Your right, sweetie. I'm sorry. Let's just get this whole mess sorted out huh? Why don't we start by making a list of all the possible people Faith could have slept with?"

She didn't wait for a reply, just handed me a piece of paper and a pen. I quickly scribble something down, and silently hand it back to her.

"See, that wasn't so bad. Maybe this will be easier than you think", she says, trying for an upbeat tone as she takes the paper from my hand.

"_All males in the vicinity of Sunnydale, possibly some females too"_


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Hey everyone, it's been a long while since I've updated, I know. I had a lot of school issues I had to take care of…my faculty is made up of dumbasses, and I have to suffer.

A/N 2: Anyways, I've had this chapter written for a while, I just wasn't really satisfied. I haven't written anything in a while, so I just decided f it, and release it. Tell me what you think, I might change this chapter completely once I start writing again. Review!!

Chapter 5

Here I am, sitting at a table in the Bronze, wearing my sluttiest outfit. And no, it's not just for kicks.

Mom seems to think I should try and find the sperm donor of my baby, even after she saw my little note.

I figure the way to find him, if he's still in Sunnydale, is to dress like Faith would, hence the black leather mini skirt, thigh high leather boots and low cut top, and hope he'll want another ride on the Faith train.

I don't know why I even bothered, I mean he could be ugly! Ridiculously stupid! Ugh, he's probably an ugly pot-belled old hick, with buck teeth. Damnit Faith, what the hell did I do to you?

Buffy cursed under her breath, her bum becoming numb as a result of the 1 hour she had spent glued to her seat.

"Fuck this, at least mom can't say I didn't try", she mumbled as she got to her feet with a grin on her face, determined to make a swift exit.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Buffy questioned in a shrill voice when the handsome stranger grabbed her ass.

"No need to play coy darlin'. Don't tell me you forgot our night together already- no, that's not possible…the things we did…that night has got to be burned in your head, I know it is for me" he whispered in that rough southern voice.

"Listen, I don't know what type of shit you're on, but I suggest you stay off the alcohol", she retorted while noticing the almost empty bottle of J.D. in his hands. She gave him an appraising look. "It's obviously not doing wonders for your brain cells".

"Hey, hey sweetheart, no need to be nasty…" He gets a glazed look in his magnetic eyes, and she can tell he's reliving his apparent memory. "God, you were such an animal-"

His imagining her naked and writing on top of him was rudely interrupted when she smacked his chest. He staggered back a bit, not expecting the hit, and definitely expecting the strength behind it from the diminutive blonde.

"Hey, Bee. Wait a second. You're the one who said whenever I'm in town to look you up. I believe it's my turn to tie you up…"

No matter how annoyed she was with him at the moment, it didn't stop the involuntary chills that ran up her spine at the sounds of his husky, yet smooth voice. She silently cursed Riley for being a bad lay, and leaving her to rely on her showerhead most nights after he had left. Feeling the heat slowly coiling in her stomach, she gave the stranger a reassessing look. She started from the bottom, lingering on a certain spot that had promised to leave her satisfied, up his well defined chest, and stopped at his lips. She concentrated on those pink full lips, eyes widening when his tongue peaked out. She gradually realized that lips moving meant he was speaking.

"Sorry, what did you say?" she questioned, her gaze still trained on his lips.

"I was saying that if you're not interested, I'll find someone else. It's a damn shame though" he said in a wistful voice.

She stepped closer, and deliberately swept her tongue across her lips. She tilted her head so her lips her just barely grazing his ear.

"Now I didn't say that…I was just surprised is all" she practically purred into his ear.

All of a sudden she was brought back to reality when she mentally replayed his words.

"Wait, did you just call me B?" she asked in a suspicious voice.

"Yeah, well that's what you got me to moan out all night…isn't that your name?"

Buffy's lips curved upwards, a feline smug smile gracing her mouth. Jeez Faith? This is your way of getting me back? She thought as her eyes once again swept over his body.

"Hey Dean, are you ready to—Oh My God, Bee!" The new addition exclaimed.

Buffy craned her head up to get a better look at the stranger, hardly having time to take in his slightly shaggy brown hair and what looked like blue-green eyes before she was swept up in his arms.

The fact that this was a stranger, and her feet were dangling precariously off the ground was put aside, and Buffy just enjoyed the warm, safe embrace she was currently wrapped up in.

She felt his breath hit her cheek as he tilted his head down.

"Bee, I gotta tell you. That threesome was the hottest thing I've done in my life", he whispered in her ear.

Shocked green eyes met his.

Oh shit echoed once again in Buffy's head.

* * *

Please review 


End file.
